This is one of the most asked questions I hear in sessions. Why don’t I trust myself to get this job? Why don’t I believe I can do it? Why am I always comparing myself to other people?
This question is overly simplistic because the answers are right in front of our faces. We have been submerged, like a nasty cultural swirly, into believing our place in the world comes from the following…
Family
Place
Money
Work
Career
Ability
Disability
Genes
Charm
Beauty + Appearance
Who we know
What we have
Our bodies
Skill
Credentials
Education
Age
Experience
Athleticism
Accomplishment/Awards
That is twenty things I just rattled off that all serve our illusion that worth is external. And there are so many, many more (I am sure you have our own list). We each have the ability to thrust our heads back from the toilet water of culture, gasping for air as our lungs heave and we rasp “Why I don’t I trust myself!?” but then our heads are only flung back into the shit water and we begin again trying not to inhale but being forced to inhale some of the nonsense that forces us not to trust ourselves.
In short, we have many reasons to not trust ourselves by the standards of society. But in reality we have very little that actually makes that true. The real question we are muttering, and spitting up between swirly dunks is: Why am I not getting up and walking away from the toilet? Why am I continuing to engage and believe that these things about me are true? Why am I accepting that this is my place - here, less than, incapable… etc.
When we are in the place of asking, “Why don’t I trust myself?” We are essentially in the zone of The Devil card in tarot. The Devil card illustrates our ability to self trap our minds, hearts, bodies, and souls to beliefs that do not serve our highest self but enslave us to various entities. We may be truly in a shitty society that does rank each other on a bunch of nonsense but we are the bully dunking our heads in the toilet over and over again.
If we could let go of the narrative that our worth is based off this list then we could stop asking unproductive questions and ask ourselves the juicy questions.
Why do I believe in this way of evaluating myself and others? What do I get from being both better and lesser than other people?
What makes me better than someone else?
What narrative of my worth feels right in my bones? What is authentic and true about me? What brings me peace?
top of my list is failure